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Welcome! I use this location for site testing and HTML development. Warning; the value of these pages may be directly proportional to your incurred access cost in dollar terms :)
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You don't know anything about Computers you say? <sigh>. Do you have a licence to operate that Computer? It's not really a silly question. Usage of a car on the public roads requires a licence in most localities. The possession of the licence ensures that you have a reasonable grasp of the basic concepts of owning, operating, and using the vehicle. Now Computers unfortunately, are many many times more complex than the average car. With the global resource called the internet involved, especially where children are in the picture, operating your computer can be a complex and costly activity. Yes of course the marketing guys are telling you it's plain and simple, easy to do. All they want is to take your hard earned cash! What they don't tell you, and may not even grasp themselves, is that a reasonable computer education is more than a good idea, it's all but essential. Expecting to use a modern day computer without the gaining of an adequate background education, is as idiotic as expecting to drive your car round the city and state when having never learnt to drive.
- If IBM made toasters...
- They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.
- If Xerox made toasters...
- You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you.
- If Radio Shack made toasters...
- The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.
- If University of Waterloo made toasters...
- They would immediately spin off a company called WatToast.
- If ParcPlace made toasters...
- Their OO building block system would be called EGGO.
- If Oracle made toasters...
- They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing smoke.
- If Sun made toasters...
- The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa Java.
- Does DEC still make toasters?...
- They made good toasters in the '80s, didn't they?
- If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
- They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.
- If Tandem made toasters...
- You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a piece got burned the toaster would automatically toast you a new one.
- If Thinking Machines made toasters...
- You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same time.
- If Cray made toasters...
- They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other single-slice toaster in the world.
- If The Rand Corporation made toasters...
- It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their service department would have an unlisted phone number, and the blueprints for the box would be highly classified government documents. The X-Files would have an episode about it.
- If the NSA made toasters...
- Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of national security.
- If Sony made toasters...
- It would be ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast and can be conveniently attached to your belt.
- If Timex made toasters...
- They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters that take a licking and keep on toasting.
- If Fisher Price made toasters...
- "Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.
- If the Franklin Mint made toasters...
- Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece of your authentic hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster.
- If CostCo made toasters...
- They'd be really cheap, as long as you bought a six-pack of 'em.
- If Microsoft made toasters...
- Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95 percent of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the common bread only works with their toasters.
- If Apple made toasters...
- It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier!
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Updated 21 Dec 2006 03:28:31 GMT+0800
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